I awoke that morning to the sound of heart breaking sorrowful piercing cries and realized it came from deep down within me.
I refused to believe you had gone, yet when I reached out to feel your soft naked body there was nothing just an empty space next to me.
My body curled up in a foetal position, wanting to go back to being a child and feel the nurturing of a mothers loving care.
Time stood still as I held your pillow and breathed in your scent, my eyes closed tightly refusing to believe that I would see you no more.
Slowly I lifted my fragile body, I ached yet felt the need to rock to and fro, my arms wrapped around me wishing it were you holding me close.
The need to escape came suddenly I needed to run from what should have been our sanctuary, our home, too many memories.
I seized the dress that lay on the floor, the one that I wore as I had said goodbye to you only the night before as you lay dying.
Hair unkempt, my face bear of makeup, the smell of yesterday’s wine lingering on my breath as I angrily slammed the door behind me.
I ran and ran, noise all around me, traffic racing, people yelling, dogs barking. I looked around confused, scared, dazed not knowing where to go.
How can life be continuing at such a fast pace when my world ended yesterday when you took your last breath and left me alone forever.
Then I finally arrived away from the noise all around, I have reached our place, our bench where you asked for my love forever till death do us part.
I slowly fall down into a crumpled emotional heap sobbing loudly, screaming your name pleading with you to come back.
People pass me by, they stare, mutter, snigger as they make judgment on me, looking down at me in scorn, presuming I am intoxicated.
I feel a hand gently touch my shoulder as someone reaches down to me, I am being cradled by a stranger as they whisper and tell me I am safe.
I feel a blanket being wrapped around my shoulders and a soothing warm drink is placed in my cupped hands and slowly the tears begin to dry.
That day I learnt what empathy was in the form of one widow to another as I bared my soul and began the long journey of grief.
Goodbye my love, thank you for teaching me about love and for sharing those years with me and accepting me for who I am.
Written by Clare Keel